Being There

For the LORD is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations. ~ Psalm 100:5

I was sitting at the breakfast bar, chatting with one of the other mommies after the Cub Scout den meeting at her house had concluded, and I saw my oldest peek into the kitchen. He had been in the family room playing with the denner’s toys, which of course were much more interesting and novel than his own. He caught my eye and smiled and turned back around, probably mostly oblivious to anyone else’s agenda but his own. Or maybe he did have the idea that most of the other parents and cubs were leaving, and he better enjoy these toys while he had the chance.

Regardless, he just wanted to be sure I was there.

I remember that feeling from when I was a young child – of not really having a care in the world, of knowing everything was alright because my mom and dad were always right there and would take care of things, take care of me. Everything was right in my world.

But then things changed. My awareness increased. Things weren’t alright. My parents split up and my father moved away. My family was poor. We were “different.” I didn’t have the “right” clothes, I didn’t have the “right” friends, I didn’t have the “right” religion. Later on, because I didn’t measure up (so I thought), I became a perfectionist, an overachiever. But that became too hard to keep up. So, I started goofing off, became aimless. I squeaked through college doing only well enough to keep my scholarship and financial aid.

Later still, at a crossroads, after too many years of searching for I-didn’t-know-what, I thought God had given up on me. And I wondered, “Who is God? Does He even exist? Surely if He did, my life wouldn’t be so miserable…”

But – on my knees – it was God to whom I cried out for help. What a relief it was to realize then that even though I’d had doubts about Him, He had always believed in me. Now I understand that life is not without its trials. Trials are not God’s way of punishing us, rather they exist in order to bring us closer to Him.

My first thought when I saw my son look at me and smile that day was, “I wish my life were so simple.” I was thinking about the awesome responsibility I have of raising three boys. And all that entails. “I wish I could be so carefree.”

But the thing I was forgetting was, I can be so carefree. My life is that simple. God is my Heavenly Father, the one who is always right there and will take care of things, and take care of me. Everything is right in my world.

And that is exactly why I want to help my children know God – so that no matter what rocks their world, they know they can call on God and that He believes in them.